I decided to take the timing recommendations in my ovulation test directions more loosely this cycle and instead of between 11am and 4pm I did them when I thought things might be happening, and I did it! I got a positive! Right before my husband had to go out of town. So we got in a couple of tries in between the HSG and his trip… I know, I know, it won’t make a difference, because nothing we do does… but at least I feel like I’m not messing things up this time!
On a less enthused note… The last few days I’ve been feeling more and more like just giving up… and it’s only February… we were supposed to rally for this whole year! I am feeling like the chances are just so minuscule it’s probably not worth the effort. I mean it took IVF before, and we were so lucky that one of those tiny embryos became our healthy baby girl…
I do feel armed with a lot more knowledge this time around, about the various options we have, about the need to advocate for ourselves, about my own body- what I’m capable of going through, and the fact that I now know I can sustain a healthy pregnancy- something I definitely wasn’t confident about before. At the same time, the odds against us succeeding just feel so overwhelming. I won’t let myself throw in the towel yet, but it’s hard. I wonder if we are meant to be a family of 3, and could we really handle another baby anyway, can I physically do it all again now that I’m pushing 40- the minimal sleep, etc? I don’t know. Like I said before, I won’t be devastated if it doesn’t happen, but I do want to feel like we did our best (short of going through IVF again at this point).
Thanks for reading, and Happy Valentine’s Day!